A little late night babbling

So I'm gettin ready for bed, when I get texted by a friend that I've been developing a new friendship with. He's someone I knew back in school, but we never managed to run in the same circle. However, we have found out we hav more in common than i initially thought :) Specifically, we both have a great love for dance. He is taking his love to the next level, such as in competing and training, while mine remains a hobby. Yet it is nice to talk occasionally of how when we dance, it's like the world just seems right for those few moments... Okay :) that is just me talkin. I don't know if that is exactly how he feels, but I admit it thrills me to watch him pop. Though my style is different, I appreciate the fluidity of his movements.

by now, I'm sure it appears I'm in love with the guy lol ;) but the point of writing all of this is to write exactly how much this friendship means to me. often I feel I've become the boring married person :) only because I have not kept in touch with friends like I should have. so for me to find another friend, one I can talk to, tease, and remember to branch out in a while, well, that is a good thing. In fact I feel it has even improved my relationship with my hubby. I am taking time for me, time to hang with friends, which is what I needed. I had gotten so fed up with being at home almost every free moment I had, that I had begun taking it out on someone that didn't deserve it.

anyhoo, the point really of all this, is that I'm grateful for all the people I still have the honor of calling my friends, whether I keep in touch as often as I should. I had taken for granted how much energy has to be put into maintaining a friendship, and thus I have lost touch with many ppl. but I also want to say how lucky I am to have new friends, proving that I'm still able to be friendly ;) this new friendship I've been talking about this post has really opened my eyes... and it has been great. It really has been an interesting few weeks :) anyhoo :) I'm done babbling for the night ;) stay tuned for the next episode ;)

until next time, averagejane signing off...

Hey...

so, anyone still watching my blog may be surprised to see that I am posting, after almost a year... i know. it's crazy. but, i've just had a pretty good day. one that has really struck me to come attempt to blog once again. also, one will notice that i have revamped my blog design. i'd say it was definitely about time. after the past year, i feel that a new start,of sorts, is in order.

to begin to explain, i saw my longtime friend from Cali tonight. it has been three years since we last were together. and yet, the time has flown and i cannot believe it has been that long. it feels like just yesterday we were developing our friendship, making jokes about being Mr. Collins and Cousin Elizabeth. :) those were some good times. one of the best times of my life. one where i knew where i stood. didn't have to worry about silly things like house payments ;) lol you never know how good you really have it when all you have to worry about is clothes and the occasional meal to pay for. no responsibilities beyond a job and/or school.

but i'm not saying that i want to get rid of my responsibilites that i have now. i really do enjoy my life, but i miss the person i let myself be back then. i need to find a way to incorporate my adventurous and carefree spirit into a life often dictated by responsibilties. i need to find out how to let go once in a while. thankfully, i got a chance tonight. i sat and laughed with friends, talked about the good times of high school, and watched my husband look at me like i was crazy ;) lol i had some good times. and most of that was because i had convinced myself that i didn't mind so much what ppl thought of what i did because my friends had accepted me as i was. i was able to be a goof. i was able to just let myself have fun. all too often lately, i find that i have become boring, predictable, and just no fun. i want to be able to let go so easily as i did in my high school years and a little beyond that. that is my goal for this coming year. i want to find my spunk and spirit again. i want to feel young, instead of an old married woman. that is a lot of my problem. and it all starts with me.

well, now that i babbled enough, i will go to bed. just one last thing, thanks to my friend for coming to visit. you have no idea how much it meant to me. it was a wonderful night, of which i hope many more are to come.

until next time, averagejane signing off.

Just another day

Hey ... so i know my last post forever ago said i would be blogging more on my other blog. but that is more still jay's blog. so i needed a place to just write. lol if i had had my journal here, i would probably have written there.

but, so i'm at work and i really should be working. but i really feel like shit today. and its not just today. it's like a pattern over the last few months. i  know its normal to have down days, but some days its just ridiculous. like today, i feel on the verge of tears. and the morning started out really good. i'm not sure what is wrong with me. i ache all over. and every so often, i get this pain in my chest that lasts most of the day. then it will go away and i forget about it til the next time it happens. i swear my body hates me. anyhoo... enough about that.

i just wish somedays that i could turn back time a bit. everything was so simple when i was younger. not so many cares in the world. and of course money seemed to be a bit more abundant :) but it just seems that everything is moving so fast and that if i don't make the right choice  i'll screw up everything. and some days i wonder if some of my choices in the past are starting to affect my life now. i mean i expected them to affect it, just in a better way. it's so confusing. and frustrating. i'm down so much and tired. i was physically sick with a cold or something last week, but this all seems so much different. I wish i could just wake up one day and have it all gone. unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

then there is the whole religion issue. i've officially declared myself as agnostic atheist on my facebook page. but it's just so hard to let go of religious issues and traditions that i've been indoctrinated with for years now. i mean, i just find it so hard to tell my parents how i really feel. like they keep trying to ask me how church was each sunday that i happen to visit. and my dad slipped in that i should go to the temple too sometime (he was going that day, a tuesday night or something). but it's just hard. i hoped it would be easier.

and its just been a tough couple of weeks. work is difficult sometimes. that's not to say that the work i have to do is hard. its actually really easy. its just the work relationships can be awful. i've not seen this much drama since i was in high school. my supervisor sometimes acts like she is a kid, despite being a good 10 or so years older than me, and takes her frustration out on us lowly assistants. i only get through some of those days because of the other assistant here in the office. she is older than me by like 10 years or so. but she still understands how it all is here, cuz she has only been here a year longer than me. our supervisor really can be rude. and its way too damn frustrating. oh and the great thing, her supervisor is her father. it's ridiculous. i can't stand him much either. he lets things slide and then blames us for some of his problems. like we had a workshop that we sent materials out for. some of the handbooks were older than the newer ones by two weeks and he got mad that we had sent that version out when he hadn't bothered to notify us that there was a newer version. God! he is annoying!!! anyhoo....thats my work vent. i really do love the other gal i work with. she is a sweetheart.

anyhoo, i think i've wasted enough space here. it feels good to be able to vent here..

until next time...
averagejane signing off
PS. Song of the day is "Stuttering" by Fefe Dobson. reflects my mood, while not necessarily the sentiment or feeling

My Other Blog

This short post is for those of you that follow my blog... or at least used to as I don't really write here :) I try to update my other blog, the one I share with my hubby, at least every few months.... lol a little more than I do here. So, please feel free to check it out!!! the URL is http://www.lifeatwarp10.com/

Hope you enjoy it ;)

late night posts...

So. I just have to say i find it funny at jay is out like a light. I know you are probably all confused. Well for the past few nights jay has had to work a shift at work starting at midnight. Lol and he was always so sad he could not be home with me. And now on the first night back on a regular shift, he is now dead to the world :) lol it just makes me laugh!

I have to admit that it is nice to have him home :) lol the only problem is im still kind of awake. Thats half the reason im posting this. The other half is to try out this posting via my cell phone :) cool new feature i guess :) lol its fun. Im sure ill be fixing this post in the morning. gotta fix this big paragraph and give it a title......

averagejane signing off :)

That giddy feeling

i don't know what exactly it is about romance movies that make you just wanna curl up with happiness and giddiness. i just watched "never Been Kissed" ( one of my favorite of romantic comedies) and i've watched it several times before. and though i know exactly how it's gonna end, my heart stops to see if the guy will come. and then when he comes, my heart flutters and i get that giddy feeling as mentioned above.

we as society are addicted to these shows. well, most of the women in society. we love seeing these happy endings, where the girl gets the guy.... where it all really ends happily ever after. i don't mind it so much. sometimes it is just good to get lost in a story not my own. it's nice to see that everything does work out sometimes.

well, i don't mean to say it doesn't work out in real life. it's just they always portray it as so easy in the movies. you fall in love, and live happily ever after. sometimes it's too scripted. one thing i've found is that in real life, it is most of the time a bit of work. but in the end, it makes it even more special that you found this special guy. cuz with all the forces working against you, no matter the struggles or problems you overcame, you can still have your happily ever after. you will have that someone to hold you when you're sad. someone to kiss away the tears. someone to celebrate life with. someone to stay with you through the years. someone to mark the years with. it's work, but i've found that it makes that giddy feeling even more special.

average jane signing off...

Dreams

when it comes to dreams, there are two basic beliefs about why we have dreams and what they mean.

belief 1: dreams mean nothing, it is jsut random. it is just an epiphenomenon that is the mental activity that occurs during REM sleep.

belief 2: dreams have a meaning. we dream because either we need to declutter our minds, our subconcious is trying to speak to us, or we have problems from our daily lives that our mind couldn't work through while concious, so we have dreams to work them out. This is just putting this belief in simple terms.

myself, i have always followed with belief two. i believed that our minds are trying to tell us something or we have something that our mind needed to work out when it was concentrating on the other dozen items we do during the day. it made sense to me to believe this way. from having dreams so simple where i couldn't find a bathroom in my dream and waking up to find i needed to use the bathroom, to slightly more complex dreams of being naked for some reason while i was in public in school or the mall or someplace - which i interpreted that i was trying so hard to be someone else to fit in, i was afraid to show who i really was, afraid to be me with no mask on (signifying the nakedness)- i really believed that my dreams told me something. i found that in some dreams i could even wake myself up, especially in some scary ones..

another set of dreams i liked were the ones where i would meet a handsome stranger, and a romantic tale would ensue. whether in modern times, or in medieval times where i was a princess. this all was just my true desires in life. i wanted to be in a fairytale, i wanted to be in the stories that i read. i wanted adventure, something more to my life. and i found my escape in books, and my escape came real in my dreams.

however, sometimes, i find i would rather believe in belief #1 when it comes to some dreams. i find that the meaning i find from some dreams, i would rather believe were jsut random, not something that my mind needed to work out, or some secret desire i have hidden until my subconcious brings it into my dreams. i don't want to believe that such things lie within me. can they? or are these just really random dreams? with no significance. i would like to believe this, but i can't... so i just write them down, and push them from my mind, hoping that these dreams are not revealing a side of me i'd rather not know about.

anyhoo....dreams are interesting things..

average jane signing off...